The Truth About That Article On Boundaries I Was Writing…
Today I sat down to write a blog post about the importance of setting boundaries as a young person. The main thing I wanted to do was touch on the “how-to” elements of actually achieving the boundaries that we need.
I spent five hours researching and writing that post, but as of now, I’m not sure if that post will ever get published.
Because it felt unauthentic.
You see, I’m currently struggling with unhealthy relationships in my own life and everything I found about setting boundaries really only works if the other person is a semi-emotionally healthy human being.
The most common “tips” for setting boundaries have to do with standing your ground and standing up for what you believe in while not physically running away from the person you struggle with.
AKA: You’re supposed to reason with the other person to their face and in that way you are setting your boundaries.
But for many of us, the reality is that the unhealthy people in our lives are the ones we are closest to.
In my life, I have a family member who has done amazing things for me, and is always generous, but ceases to respect my privacy, my wishes or my time. This person is also passive aggressive, demeaning, demanding and has strings attached to all the generosity he/she has offered in the past, even though he/she insists on giving me “gifts”.
This person is also someone I love very much.
While reading and writing about setting boundaries, I realized that in following the advice that many psychologists give, I would lose this person forever.
Some people might think that the relationship lost would be better than the dysfunctional current one we have, but it’s easier said than done.
I also know that a relationship from afar (running away) would be perhaps the healthiest middle ground option. Even though this is a big “no-no” according to many psychologists.
Unfortunately, I have a few relationships like this one and I know a lot of you do too.
So what’s a girl to do?
I honestly, don’t have all the answers to that.
I can say, that I’m working on taking responsibility for my negative feelings and bad moods that I usually attribute to other people.
I’m working on being more open with everyone- being emotionally closed only sends bad vibes.
And I’m working on acknowledging the other person’s pain- if they’re always unhappy and negative they probably aren’t loving life.
Ultimately, I’m trying to grow as a person and do what’s best for me while keeping the relationships I care about and that’s the best I can do for now.
What are your thoughts about setting boundaries and what struggles have you discovered in attempting it?